A Polish man married an American girl after he had been in the USA a year or so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange an immediate divorce for him.

The lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: Have you any grounds?

POLE: Ja, Ja, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms.

LAWYER No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

Pole: It is made of concrete, brick and mortar.

LAWYER: Does either of you have a real grudge?

POLE: No. We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.

LAWYER: I mean, what are your relations like?

POLE: All my relations are in Poland.

LAWYER: is there any infidelity in your marriage?

POLE: Ja, we have hi fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound.We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.

LAWYER: No, I mean does your wife beat you up?

POLE: NO, I'm always up before her.

LAWYER: Is your wife a nagger?

POLE: NO, she white.

LAWYER: WHY do you want this divorce?

POLE: She going to kill me.

LAWYER: What makes you think that?

POLE: I got proof.

LAWYER: What kind of proof?

POLE: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read; it says, "Polish Remover."