A Polish man married an American girl after he had been in the USA a year or so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange an immediate divorce for him.
The lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:
LAWYER: Have you any grounds?
POLE: Ja, Ja, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms.
LAWYER No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
Pole: It is made of concrete, brick and mortar.
LAWYER: Does either of you have a real grudge?
POLE: No. We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.
LAWYER: I mean, what are your relations like?
POLE: All my relations are in Poland.
LAWYER: is there any infidelity in your marriage?
POLE: Ja, we have hi fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound.We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.
LAWYER: No, I mean does your wife beat you up?
POLE: NO, I'm always up before her.
LAWYER: Is your wife a nagger?
POLE: NO, she white.
LAWYER: WHY do you want this divorce?
POLE: She going to kill me.
LAWYER: What makes you think that?
POLE: I got proof.
LAWYER: What kind of proof?
POLE: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read; it says, "Polish Remover."